


All and Everything

by VampireNaomi



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Doubt, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireNaomi/pseuds/VampireNaomi
Summary: Lupin has a moment of doubt.
Relationships: Arsène Lupin III/Zenigata Kouichi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54
Collections: Lupin III Big Bang 2020





	All and Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sourgoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourgoat/gifts).



> This is my gift for Sourgoat in the Lupin III Big Bang 2020 event. I hope you'll like it!

To most people, the man standing stiff and unmoving on the stage would have been a comical sight. His old trench coat was a stark contrast to the praise that was being lavished on him, almost as if he’d wandered there by mistake and was now too embarrassed to leave. His face looked hot enough to fry an egg on, and the expression on it kept changing between happiness and utter bashfulness.

Lupin’s chest swelled at the sight of him. He wished Zenigata would look at him and recognize him so that he’d know that he was there to see his big moment. It was torture to sit still and not wave and whoop at him.

He’d made sure to disguise himself as a guy who had a front row seat. He wanted to relish the knowledge that his… rival? Lover? Lupin thought it over for a moment before deciding that an exact label wasn’t necessary. His Zenigata was being recognized for his skills and hard work, and he wanted to witness it.

Lupin and his gang had just finished a successful heist that had ended with them relieving a crooked businessman of his most prized painting, but that wasn’t what the headlines today were all about. It just so happened that Zenigata had smelled something off about the man whose collection he’d been tasked to protect. After Lupin and the others had grabbed the painting, Zenigata had used it as an excuse to sweep the building and had found plenty of evidence of illegal arms dealings.

It had turned out to be the missing link in a much larger investigation spanning multiple countries and agencies. Zenigata’s discovery was being hailed as one of the greatest achievements in law enforcement in recent years. For that, he was being awarded a medal.

Now, Zenigata always said he did his job for the sake of justice, but he wasn’t immune to flattery and rewards. He blushed and stumbled with his words whenever anyone praised his efforts, perhaps because it was all too common for him to fall flat on his face and hear laughter and mockery wherever he went. Even Lupin had used fake award ceremonies as a way to trick him plenty of times before, which he now felt a little bad about.

It wasn’t only Zenigata’s joy that he was here to see. For once, Zenigata was being recognized by his peers. A man had to be skilled to stay on the Lupin case for this many years and come as close to catching him as Zenigata had. It was easy to forget that when he always slipped away in the end. Zenigata might not have brought in permanent results, but he was the only one who even stood a chance.

Now these same men who laughed at him behind his back had to admit they’d been wrong about him. Lupin didn’t doubt that they’d go back to mocking him as soon as Zenigata next failed to arrest him, but in this moment he imagined with glee how many men in the audience were fuming. Zenigata had shown them he wasn’t a fool.

When the chief’s speech ended and he presented Zenigata with the medal, Lupin jumped to his feet to start a round of applause. The others in the audience needed only a second to join him, and from the corner of his eye he saw one or two stand up as well.

There was a dinner after the awards ceremony, but Lupin didn’t stick around for it. He’d just wanted to see Zenigata’s big moment, and he needed to get everything ready for the evening. He had plans. Zenigata’s hotel room had to be ready before he came back.

Changing disguises was second nature to him, so it took him no time to slip out of the stuffy suit, moustache and body padding and take on the role of a housekeeper at the hotel. He picked the lock on Zenigata’s door and stepped in. There was an excellent bottle of wine in his cleaning cart, along with some fruit and crackers if they got hungry later.

Lupin fell on his back on the bed and let out a content sigh. It was only between heists that they could have this kind of a rendezvous. Otherwise, everything was as always. Lupin tried to outdo himself with every new plot, and Zenigata lived for nothing but to arrest him and bring him to justice. An outsider might never understand how there was room for love and shared nights in a dynamic like that, but Lupin saw nothing contradictory in it.

He shot up and started examining the room, unable to remain still. It’d probably be a few more hours before Zenigata returned from the celebratory dinner, but he’d do his best to wait. And then he’d tell him he’d been there to watch the ceremony, that he’d seen his awkward blush all the way in the audience, and then he’d kiss him when Zenigata got embarrassed again.

Oh, he couldn’t wait! He jumped back on the bed again and buried his face in the pillow to muffle his laughter.

Hours went by. There was no sign of Zenigata. A dinner wouldn’t take this long.

“Come on!” Lupin whined and kicked at the mattress with his heels. He’d been more than patient. What could be taking him so long? Sure, he hadn’t said he’d be here, but that was because he’d wanted it to be a surprise. It was a while since their last time, and he loved surprising people.

Finally, he heard noise at the door. With a grin on his face, showing nearly all his teeth, Lupin dashed under the bed. He’d wait a moment before showing himself. The surprise would be better. Zenigata would be happier to see him if he thought he had a lonely night ahead of him with nobody but the voice on the room service telephone line to talk to.

“Okay, then, Inspector, just a few more steps.”

Lupin frowned at the unfamiliar voice. Who the heck was that? The voice sounded young and male, so perhaps a subordinate that had been tasked with making sure that Zenigata made it back to his hotel room. The way Zenigata slurred a reply and fell heavily on his bed suggested he’d been taken drinking after dinner. 

“Oh, look at that, Inspector. Someone’s left a bottle of wine here. Must be an admirer. Maybe today is the start of a new direction for your career!”

A horde of emotions washed over Lupin as he remained hidden and heard how the stranger took off Zenigata’s shoes and asked him if he’d be fine by himself. He promised he’d check up on him in the morning. Just what right did he have to act so familiar with him? They’d probably only met today!

Just get out, Lupin thought, frustrated that he couldn’t do anything until the man left. But there was also disappointment hiding under his anger, maybe even jealousy. All his grand plans for the night were fit for the trash can now that Zenigata was this drunk, and it hadn’t been _him_ who’d had fun drinking and laughing with him. Zenigata’s colleagues had robbed Lupin of everything he’d been looking forward to.

Some other time, he might have appreciated the irony, but not tonight. As soon as the door closed and they were alone, he crawled out from under the bed. Zenigata was fast asleep, snoring loudly, and in an awkward position that he’d feel in his back in the morning.

“So much for that date night,” Lupin muttered to himself, but he didn’t blame Zenigata. He’d had no idea Lupin was coming. Of course he’d accepted his superiors’ offer to go drinking. It was his big day. Zenigata always got caught up in other people’s good mood, but tonight he’d been the star. All the bottles had popped for him. It would have been selfish of Lupin to get upset.

Which didn’t mean that he didn’t, but mostly at himself. Until Zenigata had stumbled in, he hadn’t even thought about the possibility that he might have plans and go out with someone else. Zenigata didn’t have a lot of people in his life, and Lupin guessed he had gotten used to being not just his number one but his _only_ one.

He was sure Zenigata would have declined the offer for drinks if he’d known Lupin was waiting for him. He was suddenly glad he hadn’t said anything. Zenigata deserved more than just him.

“Let’s get you more comfortable, Pops,” he said and began to manoeuvre him out of his coat and vest. All he could do now was make sure he got some decent sleep. Once he had Zenigata out of his clothes and tugged in bed, he left him a note by the wine bottle.

_Use this to drink away your hangover. With love, ;)_

Lupin decided to stay for a while and just watch over Zenigata as he slept, just in case he’d drunk so much he’d get sick during the night. He dragged a chair from the other side of the room so he could sit close by and listen to him breathe.

“Hope you had a good time, Pops,” Lupin said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have ditched my first disguise so early. I could have come with you.”

Zenigata’s reply was a loud snore, and Lupin smiled until an unpleasant thought hit him. There wouldn’t ever be a time when he and Zenigata could go drinking like that, not without some kind of a lie. Either or both of them could be in disguise. They could try to find a distant corner of the world where nobody had heard of Lupin III or Koichi Zenigata and act like they had nothing to hide.

It wasn’t that Lupin wanted to announce their love to the whole world. He liked having Zenigata all to himself, and there was some thrill in the knowledge that to everyone else, they were nothing but rivals but that they had a secret behind the scenes. It was exhilarating to butt heads with Zenigata - he seemed to be giving him more of a challenge recently - and know that there’d be no hard feelings no matter how many times he slipped away, or how many times Zenigata stopped him from getting the loot at the last moment. He was happy to have their relationship be just between the two of them, like a hidden treasure.

Except that it wasn’t just between them, was it? Lupin thought about the young colleague who had brought Zenigata to his room. If he hadn’t been hiding under the bed just then, he’d have been spotted, and then what?

If people knew that Zenigata was in love with the man he was tasked to arrest, nobody would be asking him out for drinks anymore.

They’d talked a lot about the dangers of their relationship. There was the issue of trust between them, and how they were both in a position to use their feelings to defeat the other. Zenigata had to find balance between his pride as an officer and his feelings as a man. He would lose his career and might even be charged with corruption and misuse of power and funds if anyone found out.

Compared to all that, not getting asked to go out for drinks was nothing, but Lupin couldn’t let go of the thought. They hadn’t talked about social consequences. He was sure Zenigata could get over being fired, but his heart might never heal if his superiors and colleagues looked at him in disgust. He didn’t have the biggest social circle in the world, but he spoke fondly of old friends in the Tokyo Metropolitan Police. He’d be crushed to lose them.

Lupin leaned his chin on his knuckles and looked at Zenigata. Was this really okay? He’d thought his chest would burst with happiness when he’d seen Zenigata on stage as words of praise rained upon him. Just one wrong move, and all that would be lost forever, all because of him.

He stayed in Zenigata’s room until the faintest glimmer of sunlight began peeking from the window. He got up and stretched his back, a large yawn making him feel like he was about to dislocate his jaw. On his way out, he grabbed the note he’d left by the wine bottle and crumbled it in his pocket so that unwanted eyes wouldn’t see it. Zenigata would know who’d given him the bottle even without it.

***

The hideout was silent. Fujiko had left the day before because she had tickets to a piano concert on the other side of the world that she’d been wanting to go to for months. The others were still there, mostly because nobody had anything else lined up. They always took it slow for a while after a big heist like this, so there was nothing strange about the idleness. Nevertheless, it was getting on Lupin’s nerves.

“Do you guys want to do anything today? Maybe cook something fancy. We haven’t done that in a while,” he suggested.

“We have leftovers from yesterday,” Goemon said. He was sitting on the floor, turning his blade around in his hands, as if looking for something. Lupin wished he’d say he saw a shadow on it because that’d at least give him a distraction.

“Then how about something fun? A game of cards? We’re going to have our pockets full once we sell the painting, so we could play with high stakes!”

“You robbed me blind last time. I need the money for myself this time,” Jigen said from the couch.

“I could go easy on you!”

“What’d be the fun in that?”

Lupin slumped in his armchair. It wasn’t fun he was looking for but something to keep his mind busy. There was nothing to do, and the silence between them that was normally comfortable now made him feel like his head would explode. He had a hard time being still and wanted to jump on his feet and pace from one room to another, but then the others would ask what was up. He was only like that when his thoughts were on overdrive to plot a new heist.

Jigen moved one ankle over the other. Besides that, there was no movement from him for a while, but Lupin knew he was still awake. He could fool anyone in the world into thinking he was asleep, but not him. Jigen was watching him and weighing his words on his tongue.

“Lupin,” he said finally, and Lupin had guessed his timing almost down to the second.

“Yeah? You changed your mind?”

“I’m not fickle like that. What I want to know is… hell, I take that back. Guess I am fickle. I know I said a lot of things when you and Pops became a thing and that one of them was that I don’t want to hear you whine when you run into problems, but -”

Lupin interrupted him with a laugh. “Don’t be silly! We don’t have any problems!”

“That morning was the first time that you came back from seeing him and didn’t look happy. It’s been three days now, and nothing has changed,” Goemon said.

“And that’s reason enough for you guys to call this emergency meeting?”

“We didn’t call anything,” Jigen said, “but you’re getting on our nerves. Why don’t you go to Pops if you have that much extra energy? That last job made me lose sleep, and I want to catch up on it.”

Lupin could practically see a road fork in front of his eyes. He could turn this into a joke and call Jigen an old man who should retire if a few all-nighters bothered him that much. Or he could tell them what was really keeping his mind busy - or maybe it was his heart - but they might tell him things he didn’t want to hear.

He trusted Jigen and Goemon with his life, but doing the same with his vulnerabilities was a lot harder.

“I’m not having any problems with Pops, so relax. I don’t need to cry on anyone’s shoulder or anything like that.” Lupin tapped his fingers together as he spoke and tried to look thoughtful rather than uncertain as he turned his eyes to the ceiling. “But suppose that there was something wrong, do you think he has anyone like that? Is there anyone in the world he can trust with his feelings for me, or is he all alone with them?”

“Have you asked him?” Jigen wanted to know.

“No, that’s why I’m asking you.”

“And how should we know? You’re closer to him than either of us!”

Lupin shrank into himself on his seat and held back a frustrated sigh. Jigen had a point, but he’d known that even before asking. Nobody knew Zenigata like he did. It wasn’t facts that he was looking for.

“What do you think I should do?”

“Talk to him,” Goemon said immediately, just in time before Jigen had a chance to say the same thing but with a few more annoyed profanities.

“Duh,” Lupin said with a roll of his eyes. “I know. I will.”

But he wished either of his friends would tell him that he had no reason to worry, maybe even that it was such a pointless issue that he could let it be. He wanted his next meeting with Zenigata to be a burst of the love and affection that were usually restrained, not a serious talk about whether Zenigata had really thought this through.

It was tempting to think that he should wait this out until the pestering feeling faded away. Lupin was a master of many crafts, and one of them was ignoring uncomfortable problems until he got so used to them that they no longer bothered him. He’d been hoping his friends would tell him he was overthinking it and that he should just relax, but instead they were telling him to do exactly what he didn’t want but knew he had to.

“I just feel kind of dumb,” he admitted.

“Then it sounds like Pop’s been a good influence on you. You’re always doing dumb shit, but I can’t remember when you last acknowledged it,” Jigen said. “You should give him more credit. He’s not some kid getting swept off his feet in his first relationship.”

“Moreover,” Goemon said and lifted his eyes from this sword for the first time during the whole exchange, “the fact that you’re here talking to us and not him suggests that it’s not him you’re worried about. Your main concern is that if you talk about this with him, you’ll show him new risks he hadn’t considered before, and then he might decide it’s not worth it.”

“Ouch, that hits hard,” Lupin said with a sad smile and placed a hand over his heart like Goemon had just stabbed him. But he was right. Goemon didn’t normally talk much, but when he did, he always struck straight at the core of the matter.

“I guess I really am that selfish and greedy,” he added.

“Nothing new to us,” Jigen said, but there was a hint of affection in his voice that showed he didn’t mean it in a bad way. The others were perceptive and there was no way they would have stuck with him for so long if they had a problem with the way he handled things, both work and his relationships.

Goemon nodded. “Nor to Zenigata.”

“I really hate it when you guys are right,” Lupin said, but he was glad he’d gotten some of his thoughts in order. The rest he’d have to untangle with Zenigata.

***

Zenigata blew into his hands and wished that he hadn’t forgotten his gloves at the hotel, but he guessed it counted as a victory that he’d left behind only them. He’d been having a headache for the past few days and hadn’t slept well, so he felt like he was living in a haze.

He was getting old, he figured, though he knew this wasn’t just the last effects of his hangover lingering. He was getting worried about Lupin.

It was unusual that he hadn’t contacted him. They only had these stolen moments when the action slowed down. Some heists ended in a way that they both knew it was better to stay apart because the feelings of failure or triumph on either side would clash too much and just hurt them. But what had happened recently wasn’t that. 

The man Lupin had stolen from was the scum of the earth, and Zenigata was proud of himself for helping to take him down. One lost painting was meaningless. He wanted Lupin now. It might have been cold outside, but he was burning with the need to see him and hold him. Didn’t Lupin feel the same? Where was he?

At night, the sounds of the city had begun to quiet down, and he could hear the snow crunch under his feet as he walked. His room had begun to feel like a cage, so he’d gone on a walk through a park close to his hotel. Perhaps it wasn’t the safest place at night, but it was deceptively beautiful. The trees were covered in freshly fallen snow. Flakes were dancing in the light of the street lamps that spotted the path where he was slowly making new tracks.

He’d noticed the bottle in his room. It was a damn nice bottle, and as much as his superiors had praised him the other day, Zenigata knew none of them would give him such good wine. There was only one man in the world who would. But Lupin always left a note with his gifts, and the lack of one had kept Zenigata’s mind busy all these days.

Was Lupin mad at him? They hadn’t agreed to meet that night, but maybe Lupin had wanted to surprise him and was sulking that Zenigata had been drinking with someone else. That was something he could handle. He loved Lupin’s endless curiosity and joy of life, so he’d accepted that the flipside of that was his childish refusal to conform and accept that he couldn’t always have what he wanted.

Zenigata liked to think that if the thrill of loving his rival ever faded and Lupin grew bored of him, he’d have the decency to send a note with his goodbye gift, but doubt was starting to eat at him. The only other explanation for Lupin’s strange disappearance was that something had gone wrong - maybe the crooked businessman’s men had taken revenge - and the grip of that possibility felt much tighter around his throat. He’d rather have Lupin never in his arms again than see him hurt, but he had to _know._

He drew a deep breath, even as his lungs protested against the cold, and began to brush away snow from a park bench that was standing alone in a sphere of light cast by a lamp. It was an isolated spot. Everywhere around him, it was dark, and only the occasional light in the distance was evidence that more existed outside his little space. He sat down and lit a cigarette, the last one in his pack. He’d been chain smoking ever since he’d woken up with a hangover a few days ago.

Movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he was on his feet even before the figure of a man entered his spot of light.

“Lupin!” he called out in relief and dropped his cigarette. “Where have you been?”

“Yeah, I’m a bit late, huh?” Lupin was smiling, but there was something shaky about it.

“Did something happen? I was worried when I didn’t hear anything from you!”

“No, no, nothing like that. No trouble. I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

Lupin wasn’t making a move to close the distance between them. Normally, he was always leaning on his shoulder or putting his hands everywhere, saying that he had to make the best of every second they had.

“I got your bottle, but there was no note. Did you mean anything by it?” Zenigata asked.

He got a confused look from Lupin. “Oh, that was just to congratulate you on a job well done. I thought we’d have a drink together to celebrate.”

Zenigata grimaced, an apology ready on his lips, but Lupin went on.

“And there was a note, but I scrapped it. Some hunk helped you back to your room and saw the bottle, and I realized that obvious notes from me might get you into trouble. He almost saw me when you came in. I guess I shouldn’t have been in your room like that. Sorry, Pops.”

“If something like that happens, we can play it off as you having come to mock me. It’s no big deal,” Zenigata said.

For a moment, the expression on Lupin’s face was devastated.

“Of course it’s a big deal!”

That was the moment when Zenigata realized that all his worries about Lupin growing bored of him and simply not coming back had been ridiculous. Lupin had told him many times he loved him, but perhaps he hadn’t ever fully believed it was more than a whim.

“I’d offer you a cigarette, but I just smoked my last one,” he said.

Lupin pulled a pack from his pocket. “I’ve got us covered.” He fished out a cigarette with his lips and then offered the pack to Zenigata. It wasn’t a brand Zenigata liked, but he took one anyway and let Lupin light it for him.

“So, what is it that you’ve got on your mind?” he asked. He took a seat on the bench, but Lupin began to pace back and forth, his hands in his pockets.

Lupin said nothing, so Zenigata knew he had to dig it out of him. One thing he’d learned about him only after they’d grown closer was that his mouth had no filter when he was talking about something he loved. Anything that revealed one of his vulnerabilities or made him sad he liked to keep locked within and only showed to other people when it was threatening to burst out on its own.

“Lupin? Did something happen with the others? Are they hurt?”

Lupin stopped to look at him. “No, what makes you think this has anything to do with them? This is about us.”

“Us?” Zenigata repeated. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know if I can really say this. Haha. I’m scared about what you’ll do.”

Zenigata coughed. “You’re a criminal. Surely the past few days haven’t been enough time for you to do something so much worse than your usual that I’d hate you for it. What’s going on?”

“I guess I’m the only one who’s identified a problem,” Lupin said, irritation in his voice as he took the cigarette from his mouth and tossed at his feet. He crushed it with his shoe even though the snow would have been enough to put it out. Then, he looked at Zenigata with the most serious expression he’d ever seen on his face. “Pops, have you really thought about how much you’re going to lose if we’re found out? Is this worth it?”

“Of course I -”

“No, really. Your career, all your achievements, your reputation, sure, we talked about those. But your friendships and your family? You’d lose _everything._ And look at me, I’m risking nothing. People would think I seduced you and see it as another jewel in my crown. Is this really worth it?”

 _Am I worth it?_ That was what Lupin was really asking.

“Yes,” Zenigata said, and he wanted to say so much more, but how was he to put into words how much Lupin meant to him? He was more than his rival or life’s work, more than a lover. Lupin wasn’t his world, but he was constantly expanding it and making it possible for him to see more than he’d ever imagined. For most of his life, Zenigata had believed it was always on the individual to bend and break for the greater good. Lupin had shown him it was all right to be selfish and that he could have what he wanted and still be a good man.

“How?” Lupin asked. “What am I giving you that’s worth as much as all that?”

Zenigata got on his feet and approached him. “That’s the wrong way to look at it. Without you, all of that is worth nothing.”

“But -”

Zenigata silenced him with a kiss. Lupin’s lips were cold and trembling, maybe not entirely because of the weather, but he leaned into him, and Zenigata felt like a bucket of hot water had been emptied over him. Any time his lips weren’t touching Lupin’s, he was freezing again, so he kissed him over and over until finally Lupin turned his head away.

His mouth curved into a familiar smile. “You sure are into it tonight.”

“I want to make sure you understand. I’ve thought about all the risks, and I wouldn’t have let things get this far if I wasn’t ready to take them. I’m not a fool.”

Lupin sighed and cast his eyes down. “Guess I was being an idiot for no reason.”

“It’s not stupid to worry. Actually, I was getting worried that you’d realized this isn’t as exciting as you imagined and that you’d grown bored of me already.”

“Excitement is not the reason I love you, Pops.” Lupin reached down and removed Zenigata’s hands from his hips. “How about we go somewhere warmer and continue this there? Have you already opened that bottle I gave you?”

“No, I couldn’t bring myself to. I thought it might be a goodbye gift.”

“Pops! I’d never! I’m much more sensitive than that! But I guess I have to work harder at proving it to you. Starting tonight!”

Zenigata could have said that Lupin had been having doubts, too, and that he had no right to be so arrogant all of a sudden, but he didn’t want to waste time like that now that Lupin was here and acting like himself again.

“Let’s just go,” he said, and Lupin latched onto his arm as they began to walk away, towards Zenigata’s hotel.


End file.
